hip hop is under a new administration

First of all, fuck off hipsters, hip hop is ours. Hipster is a euphemism for appropriator. Yes these are warring words. I, the Hip Hop Nation, am declaring war. With that said, your so-called hipster hop, all those guys, they’re ours. By definition they are hip hop, and you can’t have them. Do not try to change the label to forget the past. As we fight this battle for popular culture, let me explain why I’m keeping these people for my country.

It would hurt me deeply to think that the legacy of hip hop will die in the hands of ill performed gangster rap. I do not want to be remembered for 50-Cent. I don’t want my future to be spoken by Soulja Boy. We will die. The Underground will never die true, but they are a subculture in the Diaspora. The only hope we have of someone who could represent us in our true form is Cory Gunz. (If he’s not corrupted.) Hip Hop needs the chance to redefine itself. You must understand that we are suffering from the same strength divide as the Republican party of the United States. Hip Hop needs to openly listen to what the new generation has to say, even though we’ve been jaded by the group in power. I would hate for the next generation to want to self identify as someone different than who they are just because we didn’t hear what they had to say. They are a reflection of their elders.
Understand this is politics.

I understand what we look like to the rest of the world. You know how George Bush labeled Muslims? Or the way he destroyed America’s reputation? That’s what rap did to Hip Hop. It destroyed our reputation. We are considered terrorists. The world thinks all MC’s have guns and promote destruction. They think we hate ourselves and our women are whores. Understand, our government is corrupt. The politicians don’t give back to the community, while they abuse it. All hip hop events are not shot up by a lynch mob. As the new president I would like to say, we really are educated. Not all rappers are angry hyper-masculinated fictional creatures. We do have morals. We just let a few rich bastards take over office and fuck things up. Some people should not be allowed to be millionaires, while the citizens pay the taxes.

With that said, we claim rights to hipster hop, which from now on will return to the title Hip Hop, mostly because hipster hop sounds stupid. They were born of Hip Hop blood. They rhyme like us, over beats like ours. You may ask what does this new administration have to offer these kids that is better than yours. We have history. There is strength in that. We are family. We are where they got their delivery and swag from. We put those beats in their heads. We taught them you could tell a story in song. We are where they lay their head when they’re not partying. The administration now is part of the same group they grew up with, not the ice kings of the last 8 years. Hip Hop is the place they can be themselves and not necessarily a character because we understand them. Even though they wear your clothes, trust me, they’ll change eventually.

Now, with my people repatriated, I’d like to see what you have to battle with that’s actually your own. Hipster nation, I dare you to give the skinny pants back to the early English pop bands. The knit hat to SoHo. The lip ring to SoMa. The earthy earrings back to the Bohemians. The rocker belts to the Punk bands. The red lumberjack plaid back to, well… lumberjacks.

BTW, Chuck Taylor’s are classics.
It’s ok to borrow, but you can’t call it your own.

So hipsters take heed, I’m keeping these artists, and any that may bloom in the future. Go peacefully, or the Hip Hop Nation will blow up an ironic t-shirt factory.

the president.
v.

ps. Do not argue with me about mowhawks. They are native to every continent.